95% OF Women had no therapy or counselling after a miscarriage, survey reveals
A recent survey conducted by miscarriage mentor Jo Tocher of Life After Miscarriage, discovered that of the 150 women who participated, only 5% had sought out professional help after losing their baby.
This means 95% had no therapy, counselling or professional help.Both survey participants and clients have said that miscarriage and stillbirths are hard to talk about. Many people try to forget about it and don’t want to go there again, because it’s too painful. They often sweep that pain under the carpet and try to get on with life and finding other ways to cope.
95% is a staggering amount of women who have no help to try and heal from this trauma. While the word “trauma” may sound dramatic to those who haven’t been through this experience, Jo’s clients have have often commented that it’s a trauma physically, emotionally, psychologically and energetically. The moment we know we are carrying a baby, the moment the pregnancy test is positive, we are filled with love, joy and sometimes trepidation as to what the future will bring.
Some babies are desperately wanted, some just come along without being planned, and some are not wanted at the time. However, carrying one connects with the mother on all those levels and when that is taken away the rollercoaster of emotions they experience is life changing. People have often said to Jo, “I don’t feel the same any more.”
How do that 95% deal with a trauma like this? Clearly not openly as the statistic shows. Arriving home from the hospital and left alone without any professional support, women (and their partners) may fall into depression, because they just don’t know how to express their horrible feelings. Others take to emotional eating or not eating, others bury themselves in work, others find some meaning by doing something that is worthwhile, e.g. volunteer work, charitable runs and events.
Jo’s advice for anyone in this situation is…
• Do talk about this with your friends and family
•Do cry and cry again. It can take a long time to work through the feelings of loss and grief
• Have a ceremony. If they can have a funeral, do that. If that’s not possible, have your own ceremony with your partner. Light a candle, write or read a poem
• Be kind to yourself and don’t expect too much. You will feel different so accept you won’t feel the same, perhaps for a long while
• Acknowledge that loss
• Take as much time as you need before you return to work.
This grief process can take years and anyone struggling may find working with a miscarriage mentor, even years after the event, can help to process this trauma.
Life After Miscarriage offers one to one mentoring, an online programme and a free facebook support group.
For more details contact Jo Tocher on www.lifeaftermiscarraige.com. The free facebook group is at https://www.facebook.com/groups/1274586595932991
Notes to editors
Jo Tocher is available for interviews, comments and content on miscarriage and stillbirth. She can be contacted on firstname.lastname@example.org
Tel: 07791 646801