Are you holding onto suppressed anger?
After a Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss it is common to feel Angry. We might be angry with the world, angry with the hospital, doctors and medical staff around how we were treated.
We could be angry with our friends, the ones who didn’t show up for us, the ones who kept silent as we battled with our ‘silent pain’ or our partner for not acting the way we wanted them to.
Sadly and most devastating is when we are angry with ourselves. Angry because we were unable to hold onto this baby, angry because we feel our body has let us down and angry because we couldn’t protect our baby.
It’s normal to feel this emotion
It’s a normal response to feel anger, and there are often times when you feel angry for other reasons.
Anger is a secondary emotion. We mostly feel another emotion before we feel anger and use anger to mask or cover up what is triggering us.
No one was born angry, it’s a learned response and it’s also something we can unlearn.
How can I control anger?
Next time you feel angry about something relating to your miscarriage or babyloss, take a moment to stop and think – what is it really about? What is triggering me? What am I masking or not recognising?
Jennifer contacted me after reading my book and said…
“Even though I thought I had worked through a lot of my grief, I was covering the remaining with anger. That was a powerful realisation and a huge shift”
So take a moment to think about what you might be covering with anger? Then journal it, write it down and see if you can find where it originates from.
If in the moment you feel the anger rising, take some long deep breaths and exhale out. There is a wonderful technique in Yoga called “Lion’s Breath” where you inhale in deeply and exhale out like a lion. Forcing out your breath from your stomach, extending your arms in front of you and extending the tongue as far as it will go. Hold that pose for a few moments and repeat until you feel spent and the anger dissipating.
Go for a brisk walk or run or a cycle ride– there is nothing like some fresh air in nature to lift your spirits and you can channel the anger into your exercise.
Take a bath – soak in a warm bath with some essential oils. I buy mine from The Tisserand Institute , they have a range of de-stressing blends, which you’ll find will relax and calm you. Essential Oils can change your state instantly, especially when inhaled deeply.
Listen to a meditation – there are plenty to choose from on YouTube and Headspace and Calm are useful apps to have on your phone.
Anger takes a lot of energy, and it’s more than worth it to release it and bring in something else to replace it, so that you can be more in flow and feel happier.
If you’d like help in releasing any anger your might have, please book a call to see how I can help you.